No doubt you’ve heard cracks made about the stress of the holidays. From the shopping insanity to the debates of ‘whose house do we spend how much time at this year, from the turkey and football to the ham and tinsel, you’ve heard the jokes made around the water cooler and the sitcoms. So why do we put up with it all and why do we keep doing it?
What is the meaning of the holidays after all? Sure, there are the historical origins: pilgrims, infant Savior, solstice, lights, etc. These are sacred and important elements of our history and faiths that are important to commemorate. But the stress experienced by so many (not to mention depression!) is not explained in the holidays’ origins or meanings. No, they lie in the current societal trends and the stories we tell ourselves about what we are supposed to do and supposed to feel.
Everywhere we look, we see efforts of food drives, gift giving, and good deeds. The Salvation Army ringers with their bells remind us to give. There is the recent competition of 9News pitting companies against each other to see who could “out-give” the next. And then there is the never ending series of commercials that remind us that if we don’t give the right gifts to our loved ones, they will only feel shame and have to hide in embarrassment.
But that is only the surface of the Holiday stress, pressure cooker enough though it might be. For many, the holidays are a time to be together with loved ones and family, a time to re-connect and express appreciation for each other and lives shared together. For many, many others however, it is a time of painful reminders, made especially painful because of what the season is “supposed” to bring: love, joy, and peace and reconnection. From what they have experienced in the past, from as simple as a favorite wished-for item that wasn’t in the stocking all the way to the death of a loved one, there may be a profound sense of grief that is in stark contrast to what it appears “should” be felt.
Indeed, this holiday season for many is a bitter-sweet time. As we cross the Thanksgiving threshold, we enter the final stages of the shortening days and lengthening nights. We head toward the Winter Solstice on December 21, the longest night of the year. And yet we know that no matter where the darkness of our grief may take us, no matter how deep the feeling may be, that the night cannot last forever and that spring always comes again.
So take hope this Holiday Season, be present to what may be your particular situation, and be open to the mix of emotions many experience this time of year. For this is a time of reflection and introspection, a time to take stock. It is an opportunity to pause. So give yourself and your families permission to slow down this year. Focus on the smallest of blessings. Eliminate the shoulds. And above all, give yourself the gift of time and space to just breathe.
